closure.
i finally called you today. i’m glad i did. you’re happy. happiest i’ve heard from you in a while. you’re slowly and surely replacing me. despite the fact it hurts, i’m not one to pull you away from what makes you happy. just because i didn’t. or, i stopped.
the thing that kills me is, there’s nothing i can do to get back what once was mine. it’s sad really. i’ve become the girl who ended up alone and resorts to blogging about losing the most important person in her life because she took him for granted.
if i could have things my way. i’d fight for you and you’d come back. i know it sounds pathetic to even have to fight for you. but you know, out of all the people in the whole wide world - it’d have to be you, i’d fight for. i’ll treat you better. i’d be the best girlfriend you could ever ask for. i just need a last chance. the last and final chance. and if i fuck it up, then i’ll leave you alone forever.
you’re my home, remember? you said i can always go to you if i needed the care, comfort, and love that came along with our relationship. i’m lost. and the light that only shined for us, isn’t there to guide me back to you. if i could have it my way, we’d grow old together and have tall babies. we’d stay up playing marvel vs.capcom and we’d watch movies till the sun came up. we would lay on top of your sequoia at our spot and stargaze. we would be laying in your bed in the dark just talking. we would be laying with that comfortable silence we always appreciated about eachother. we would still be sniffing each other. and i’d be laughing at you for sniffing the random shit. if i could have it my way, it’d be you i was crying to now.
but things don’t always go your way for a reason.
today i talked to you about how i can’t remember our last kiss. and how, kissing or saying bye in general, is often overlooked. you kiss someone goodbye briefly, and nonchalantly, not knowing that - that could be your last kiss. and i beat myself up about that everyday. because i can’t remember something i wish i could.
a couple months ago, i just wanted all the arguing, all the fighting, and all of the bickering to just go away. and being in the situation i’m in now, i want all of that back. honestly, if i could.. if i could have all of that back, i would never let it all go. because if we were still arguing, within all that arguing there’s love. we would be arguing because we still cared. i’d rather have you be mad at me ignoring my calls, ignoring me, yelling at me, anything. because atleast i’d know you haven’t left me yet. and that you still loved me. if i could have it my way now - we would argue, fight, and yell at eachother. we would yell and say things out of anger that we didn’t mean. because in the end, we knew we would always be the concrete in a foundation for one another; solid.
