November 2011
14 posts
Tired
SICK. AND.FUCKING.TIRED.
Update.
My bestfriend moved in with me. I hella love having her be with me. I have someone to talk to 24/7 about all the bullshit that goes on in my life.
As for me and boys. As I always said, I dont have time for a boyfriend/significant other. And honestly, I’m not going to sit around and let some bullshit ruin everything I have built for myself especially within these past couple of months....
As I'm getting ready for work.
You’re still the first thing that comes to my mind in the morning. I appreciate the fact that never changed even when I didn’t appreciate these thoughts of you.
Forever isn't enough.
I spent all day with you today. It made me feel hopeful. Although I cried a million times, I enjoyed your company and just being with you. I know I’ve said this before but I think we’ve already hit rock bottom so there’s really no where to go besides up.
i feel as if the world is shifting.
i haven’t wrote anything in here in a while. i’ve neglected you tumblr. i always do that and i’m sincerely sorry ):
i keep telling myself that happiness shouldn’t be gained at someone else’s expense. and i don’t want to feel happy because i know it’s at someone else’s expense. i feel like.. i can’t enjoy these feelings until everything has...
October 2011
3 posts
i like to think i'm a well rounded person.
or atleast becoming a well rounded person.
i feel different.
i feel happier.
i feel… free?
¯\(“,)/¯
it's 4am, lol.
so, last night (since it’s 4am and all) i went to a costume party. apparently, you aren’t allowed in unless you had a costume on. lmao. how gay. i haven’t dressed up for halloween in forever. but i did. my hello kitty costume turned out pretty well considering i threw on stuff that i already had in my closet, lmao. but yeah, i actually had a good time. my peers are pretty cool to...
September 2011
26 posts
"kiss me."
“NOOOOO!” haha, honestly. i don’t think i’m ready for that. thanks for understanding though.
"i don't do nicknames."
is what i said to him. i’m not your “boo”, your “sweetheart”, your anything. you’re hella sweet. you really are. i feel bad for you cause you always come at me soo tough about letting you take me out, or smoke me out, or how our signs are compatible, lmfao. but i always give you every excuse in the book and you always laugh and say “daaamn, you stay...
keep calm and carry on.
school has been getting better. i got an 81% on my last test so i was juiced as fuck! haha. we also started clinicals at night. i think i want to work in the noc shift cause it’s less busy and it’s more calm. anyway, the other night my friends and i went to bj’s and had drinks to celebrate everyone finally coming together! :) and since i am the baby of the class, they bought...
dear brendan vidal javier
i’m fine. i’m going to be fine. and i’m going to go through with what i said i would do you for you, and that’s letting you be happy. honestly, i know it’s going to hurt. hurt like hell. i want you to be able tell me anything and everything. and i’m going to listen because i’m your best friend. the person who knows you in and out. everything about you. it...
i took the risk
of visiting you yesterday. and i cried to you. i cried soo fucking much. that’s all i could do. cry. i’m sad. pathetic. i feel bad for myself because i’m stupid enough to let the person i love the most, go. i spilled it out for you. i layed all my cards on the table. you told me what i expected you to tell me. i expected myself to get hurt. i mentally prepared myself to get hurt....
i'm going to make things right.
with every ounce of effort i can give. and for you, i’ll prove to you. everything. i’m going to make things right. i’m determined.
i’m different now. i’m not the same person i used to be. i’m going to get the old me back and improve myself at the same time. to work towards us. i’m going to never give up.
in the situation that we’re in now....
closure.
i finally called you today. i’m glad i did. you’re happy. happiest i’ve heard from you in a while. you’re slowly and surely replacing me. despite the fact it hurts, i’m not one to pull you away from what makes you happy. just because i didn’t. or, i stopped.
the thing that kills me is, there’s nothing i can do to get back what once was mine. it’s...
i can't find the strength
to do this. i can’t seem to find the strength to push myself towards giving you this. i don’t want you to feel like i’m pulling out each and every excuse for you to stay with me.. if you already think otherwise.
i’m pretty pathetic.
all i ever write about is you, you, you.
all i ever think about is you. i don’t even know if you’re already getting over me. i don’t even know where all of this is going. i feel like i don’t know anything.
this is me changing the subject.
today was my day off. i couldn’t sleep last night until 4am. i stayed up watching grey’s anatomy. a quote i heard in the show, right before i went to sleep was...
i've started the letter.
and i’m soo indecisive. about sending it, about what i should write in it.. *sigh.
i think i know what to do.
2 tags
i believe
it’s time for me to let go. i hear you went to la. i’m not holding it against you or trying to assume who you saw. i’m sure you’re just friends. webcamming with her at night. probably on the phone with her too. just like we used to.
i’m afraid you’re going to fall for her. the way you did before. and slowly but surely forget about us. these tumblr posts...
3 tags
everyday.
it feels like i’m losing you more and more; piece by fucking piece. i guess you can say i’m going through that stage of depression where i’m irritable, angry, and scared. i don’t want to lose you. i know, i probably sound pathetic. writing about you. constantly. complaining about how i don’t have you. and how i screwed up. this is what you’re doing to me....
random thought:
you’re my motivation. i want to work towards living with you one day. well, i hope we’ll be back together one day. (duh) i want to be successful. i want to be the breadwinner (**even though you get mad when i say that haha) i want to be able to spoil you. i want you to feel proud to have me. i want you to feel like i don’t have to trick off of you. i want to be able to take us...
3 tags
4 tags
i want to be the one
who breaks down the stereotypical love. the stereotypical-prince-saves-damsel-in-distress-type love. i can’t tell the future or anything, but i don’t ever want to be the ‘damsel in distress’ waiting for a prince to ride over to sweep me off my feet. that’s a no-no! i want to be able to meet him halfway, and vice versa.
a wise man once told me, in relationships - you...
3 tags
it's pretty ironic
how the things you tend to pretend to not care about, are the things you care and think about the most.
for me, it’s you.
i can’t help but think about you. it’s always been that way. there aren’t enough cigarettes and booze in the world to keep my mind away from thoughts about you. this is unhealthy.
4 tags
last time together - chris brown
“even though it seems you’re losing me, and things ain’t what they...”
3 tags
i haven’t been getting good sleep in lately. or much sleep, at all.
let’s just say, i’ve been stressing myself out - trying hard to over-occupy my time. but, i guess you can say it’s healthy? haha. i’ve done all my hw, all my school stuff due within the next 2 weeks; my saunder’s practice n-clex, my online ati, my bookwork from ati, my case study, my drug...
4 tags
thinking about you - frank ocean
3 tags
i guess it's safe to say,
i was never really, fully over you.
as much as i told myself i was, as much as i told myself relationships aren’t for me, and as much as i told myself i didn’t believe in love - a part of me wanted to let you back into my life and another part of me just had too much pride and didn’t want to get hurt anymore.
i said hurtful things to you. i told you to get over me and that i...
3 tags
to be honest,
i kind of forgot about the existence of this blog. when i remembered this blog.. i kind of forgot the email i used for this blog. when i remembered the email.. i kind of forgot the password? lmao, what can i say? i was never really good at keeping up with a blog in the first place.
June 2011
5 posts
2 tags
1 tag
happiness.
i’m happy. well, atleast i’d like to think of myself as a happy person. i mean, i try. i’ve constantly been asked the question of “are you happy?” throughout my lifetime. being the non-negative person that i am, though i’ve had to second guess myself from time to time, i’ve always halfheartedly replied with a “yes.” but at the same time, with...
new shit, old shit. blahblahblah.
this has got to be the millionth blog i’ve ever made in my entire 18+ years of existance, haha. i guess i’ve just been seeking change therefore, i’ve completely abandoned my most recent blog. i’m not necessarily sorry for those who have to deal with the inconvenience of having to search me up, lol. as i always say, “catch me if you can.”